Apparently you make a good broom.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
