On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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