It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
