That's when you crack a 10am beer
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
