The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize