i think my mom watched the whole time
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
