Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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