My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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