I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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