haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
