things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize