I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
