I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
