i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was like eating out sand paper
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
