Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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