How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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