New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
