I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
