I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize