So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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