so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
