Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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