so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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