She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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