Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
