He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
