Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
