Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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