Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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