That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
