dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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