Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
