So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
