Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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