I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize