I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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