it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
