Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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