is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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