yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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