Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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