elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
