is your mom at the bar?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
