we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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