I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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