I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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