I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
