just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize