One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
