Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
