he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
