How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
