Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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