Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
