All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
