That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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