I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
