The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
