oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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