Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
