Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize