I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
