I didn't shave. On purpose
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Your cock deserves a montage
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
