I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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