She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize