i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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