Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Come back. Shots need mouths.
false alarm, still single
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
