I puked a lego.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
