How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize