Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
