doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You dont lie about slip and slides
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
