Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
